First up is Scatman John's undying classic - Scatman. Whether you're in for a long haul or a quick nip, Scatman is a song which will carry you through to the end and make your toilet time a heck of a lot more enjoyable.
Meat Loaf is a singer which can't be reckoned with. He's unstoppable. He's such a great powerful force that will do anything for love. But he won't do scat. That is left for the toilet.
I love this song a lot. It's a long sea shanty which is heart breaking and has a great ending to it. It's the perfect analogy for when you have a difficult time on the toilet and need some encouragement. It starts slowly, there's talk of murder and death and debts being paid, then it gets worse and it feels like it's going to be going on forever as Colin Meloy sings about waiting for years. Then finally, after hunting down that difficult little turd of a man, you find him in the stomach of a whale. Revenge is enacted. Flush.
Like hiccuping, sometimes to get that difficult little turtle head out, you need someone to give you a good fright. If you feel you're in for a tough time, don't reach for the Metamucil, just slip this on and you'll be scared shitless for sure.
There's nothing better than a little bit of Bluesy Voodoo music to get your guts moving. Abbe May sings a great little chant that'll assist you with your motions.
Just as it always should be. Unless you're in a dodgy Hawker Hut in Northbridge and Glenn Jackovich comes and stands next to you to pee.
Another urination ballad. This one is one of the most perfectly titled songs ever titled (written?). Anybody who knows me knows that one of my greatest fears is a caterpillar. Laugh all you like, I will in turn go and piss on a butterfly.
Honestly, it wouldn't be a music countdown if it didn't have a Gomez song in it. Shitbag 9 is the version I'd recommend if you're in for a quick drop.
I have never tried Funky Cold Medina. I'm not sure it's a drink that will go down well. I'm pretty sure it'd rip your guts up something terrible. This ones for those unstoppable moments.
Finally, it wouldn't be a list about Songs to Listen to on the Toilet without mentioning Blur's classic Song 2.
8 comments:
Thank you Andrew, I enjoyed your list. I think they are a fine bunch of songs for the toilet, except maybe Song 2..too much excitement for my toilet
You gauls are crazy. If I listen to music whilst on the toilet how on Earth will I hear my video game?
Yes, but Dave, prior to you being able to now do everything in the toilet - I'm quite jealous of that by the way - there was deathly silence no doubt. Maybe a kid knocking to say, hey, pay attention to me, but other than that, it was just you and the sound of a splash or three. Now you don't have to hear that splash.
Too much?
But eventually it gets a little smelly if you've locked yourself in there.
I knew my fate was sealed the moment Andrew took a dump with the door wide open in my tiny flat/apartment, after only 1 month of dating (for the second time). If I didn't escape then, there would be no escape.
http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/love-is-not-having-to-hold-in-your-farts-anymore.jpg
I can see you are going for romantic sentiment here Andrew, but there is a difference between releasing a fart and taking an open air dump right next to someone's kitchen on the third date.
Maybe it was one of his tests
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